Victims Of Divorce Essay Research Paper VICTIMS — страница 2

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parents should encourage kids to talk as openly as they can about their feelings. Many clinicians believe that “the failure of parents to communicate with their children adds to the immediate burden of the divorce for children and contributes to the children’s sense of uncertainty” (Furstenberg and Cherlin 24). The first two years following a separation are labeled as a crisis period for children and adults (Furstenberg and Cherlin 65). The crisis begins for children with shock, anxiety and anger. Children have two special needs during this period. First, they need additional emotional support and second, they need the structure provided by a reasonably predictable daily routine, (Teyber 63) such as, going to the same school, being able to eat at the same meal times,

sleeping on regular basis, and similar playing activities each day. Unfortunately, many single parents cannot meet both of these needs all the time. Another negative effect of divorce on children is the economical changes in the their lives. Divorced mothers and their children do not regain their standard of living for a long time after the breakup. If the mothers have not been in the job market, it takes a while before they can acquire the skills and experience needed to earn enough to support a family (Everett 100). Children must adjust to a declining economical power. A mother may be less available and her presence may be missed at home, if she has to work numerous hours to support the family. Children may also have to adapt to an apartment in an unfamiliar neighborhood, a

different school, and new friends. This sequence of events occurs at a time when Children are greatly upset about the separation and need love, support and a familiar daily routine (Furstenberg and Cherlin 71). The living arrangements of children are some of the important issues related to divorce, which cannot be summarized with the simple question of who has the custody. ” Overall, the results indicate that regardless of the living arrangements at the time of divorce, many children’s residence will change, particularly those living in the more complicated custody patterns” (Hughes 2) A study supports that removing the negative label from the event of divorce and placing the responsibility on the quality of the family environment instead, makes a difference in terms of the

effects to the family structure (Everett 81). Generally, the research findings suggest that divorce itself may or may not be a negative event, depending on “the degree of perceived family conflict.” Children should have the right to love both parents without guilt or disapproval. They should be repeatedly told that the divorce is not their fault and be able to see both parents. Parents should not use children as messengers or force them to make adult decisions. Most of all, they should have a daily and weekly routine that is predictable and understandable to them and have consistent boundaries in each home (Everett 137). “A critical factor in both short term and long term adjustment is how effectively the custodial parent, who usually is the mother, functions” (Teyber

142). Mothers who can cope with the disruption can be more effective parents. They can provide love, nurturing, consistent discipline and a predictable routine (Furstenberg and Cherlin 79). There should be a low level of conflict between mothers and fathers and the children should have a continuing relationship with their noncustodial parent, who is usually the father. If the parent who lives away from the home maintains a good, consistent relationship with the child and relates reasonably to his former spouse, “the child may be spared the development of unhealthy reactions to divorce” (Gardner 36). When parents are able to cooperate in childrearing after a divorce and when fathers are able to maintain active and supportive roles, children will be better off in the long run.

In order to protect children, parents must try to make the divorce process less painful. They should keep being honest, sensitive and self-controlled. An appropriate time should be given to children for adjustment. Children are better off when they are encouraged to talk and ask questions, express their feelings about the new situation. It may be appealing to tell a child to feel a certain way, besides as many others, children have a right to their feelings. In the mean time, parents should avoid talking badly about their ex-spouses and keep those thought as privately as possible. “Bad-mouth makes the children feel even more caught in the middle. Kids may think, ‘If daddy or Mommy’s that bad, then they are a part of me, so I must be bad too.’” (Johnston 122) People