Through These Eyes Essay Research Paper Amy

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Through These Eyes Essay, Research Paper Amy Williams Aging in the Family Professor Susan Levy Through these Eyes May 1 Dear Diary, Today is the first day of the rest of my life. This is what my husband told me on our wedding day. That wonderful, beautiful day was the first day of the rest of my life too. God, how I miss him. I never expected life to be like this. I never expected to live this long?this way. Today I am seventy-six years old. This journal was a gift from my beloved Christopher on my 75th birthday last year. He joked and said I could tell this book all of my secrets now because his hearing was so poor. This is my first birthday as a widow, and this is my first birthday alone. My husband passed away last month at the age of seventy-nine. I have no family

anymore. He was my family. I remember as a child, I would celebrate my birthdays with my parents and brother. At my sixth birthday party, shortly before Daddy died, I remember the dollhouse that he made for me. It was so beautiful. He used to call me his ?little princess? and said the dollhouse was my castle. That is my fondest memory of my father. After Daddy passed on, I remember how upset my mother was, her eyes so sad?so dull. They simply stopped shining. I couldn?t understand then what she was feeling, but I understand now. Mother did eventually re-marry. She was so young though, and I am not. I feel so empty, and it hurts to realize that this is the first day of the rest of my life. June 3 Dear Diary, Today I cleaned out Christopher?s closet, and all of his clothes still

smelled of him. I touched his favorite shirt and longed to have his body fill its vacancy. When I closed my eyes and held his clothes near, it felt as if I was touching him. In my mind I can still hear his voice; it is clear as a bell. I hear his answers to my questions, concerns, and complaints. I still hear him say to me, ?Now Angel (that was his nickname for me) don?t let your pretty self get worked up about all this nonsense. Be strong for me now. You?re my fighter.? His favorite saying was ?things have a way of working themselves out.? Christopher always said that I was strong-willed, but dear God! I cannot be strong right now. He was my strength. I don?t know that I really knew that until right now, but he was my strength. June 8 Dear Diary, I should not be mourning. I had

fifty-six years with a wonderful man who loved me very much. I should be grateful, not sad. What is wrong with me? Why can?t I pick myself up and get out of this rut? I am so tired. Betty, from Bridge Club, called and wants me to meet with the ladies next week. She says that they all miss me on Monday nights (miss winning is all). Most of the ladies who go to the Center are widowed too, but they seem to handle their loss so much better. Didn?t they love their husbands as much as I loved Christopher? Yes, of course they did. It?s just me. I need to be stronger. I just wish I wasn?t so tired. June 15 Dear Diary, I feel so angry. I am overwhelmed with the details of my life that Christopher used to handle. Taking out the trash, locking the house, paying the bills, calling repair

people?who can remember all of this? I have to take a taxicab everywhere I go, and this has been the most difficult adjustment for me. Christopher always drove us everywhere. I sometimes wish that he had taught me to drive, this would have made things so much easier now. I wish that I had known he was going to die. No, no?I shouldn?t think such things. It?s just that we planned for the financial security of his death, but I never knew that it would be so difficult to do the everyday things. For fifty-six years my husband has looked after certain details of my life, and now, he is gone. I am so frustrated because I feel so utterly helpless. Yesterday, I couldn?t even reach the oregano in the spice cupboard! I had to stand on a chair to retrieve it. In the past, Christopher would