The Case Of The Elusive Cars Salesman — страница 2

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If the accident wasn’t really an accident, I want to know, and I want a lot more than a new sports coupe, that car meant a lot to me.” She concluded, between sobs. I agreed to take the case and drew up a contract. I thanked her, promised to get to the bottom of the matter, hopped in my stealth bomber and left. It seemed that the fist place to look was the dealership. I decided to go undercover, and scope out the salesman first had. I called Larry and scheduled and appointment to look at a few cars. I decided that I would look suspicious driving up in my brand new car, so I borrowed a friend’s old BMW. I arrived at the dealership and was greeted with a phony, yet somewhat pleasing smile. Larry asked me if I would like something to drink, and I ordered my usual, a Coke with a

splash of Vodka, and a lime twist. Larry smiled, and, lying, said “That’s a good choice, I drink those too.” What a schmuck! I walked around the showroom. Looking at the stickers on the new rich people mobiles, and realized that I had chosen the wrong profession. “So. What would you like to accomplish today sir?” Larry asked, handling me my drink. I realized that this was the nineties, politically correct, non-pushy, Lexus way of asking, “Which one of these over-priced, indestructible, warranty clad, Japanese tankes ca I sell you? Right now. Now, not later. Now.” “Uh-huh. I wanna look at a car, but I’m not sure which one. I think it’s time to trade in my trusty beemer.” “Are you sure? That looks like a nice little car I might be a player on that one…I

think you look like an SC400 kind of man let’s go drive one; what color would you like?” I never thought that a person could say so many things in one sentence before. I could tell that this guy was ruthless, I could also see how he could easily have influenced poor Diane. “Ok Larry! Let’s do that!” I said as enthusiastically as possible, without losing my composure. This guy was really pathetic. “All right. Here’s and SC400. It is a really nice car, great engine, practically indestructible, fun to drive, great on trips…did I tell you how dedicated the Lexus family is to you? We commit ourselves to what you want. Want to drive it? Ill get the keys. Will you be leasing or buying? And will you want to finance that through us?” Larry said as he pushed me in to the

leather wrapped cucoon. “Here you are! Have a good drive. I’ll be right here when you get back. Be back in five minutes or I’ll call the cops. Have fun!!!” I started the engine, smiled and floored it. I watched the color draining from Larry’s face as I zipped into traffic and accelerated out of sight. It’s really amazing how fast one of those fat things can get to sixty. As I drove that cushy over priced status symbol, I thought of how, exactly, I would nail Larry with the crime which he had obviously committed. I decided that if he was involved in something cooked, it wouldn’t be too hard to find. I also came to the conclusion that Larry isn’t the brightest apple on the tree, if you get my drift. With this in mind, I returned to the dealership, pulled in at about

sixty miles per hour and pointed the car at the showroom. I saw Larry inside drop his coffee mug as he saw me and his shiny brand new Lexus heading straight for the single piece of glass separating him and his other new Lexuses from me and my obvious vendetta against the car sales industry. Aerosmith belted “Livin’ on the Edge” from the 10 speaker 200 watt stereo system and the Air Conditioner quietly cooled the car to a comfortable 72 degrees and I played with the electronically controlled transmission adjustment, I decided whether to test this vehicle’s sophisticated Anti-Lock brakes, or its dual airbags and passenger safety cage, or both. I decided for the brakes, as the brochure seemed to make a really big deal about them They worked well, I plowed onto the pedal and

closed m eyes. The sporty coupe skidded to a stop about three feet from that plate glass window, and about seven feet from another brand new SC400. Larry looked up from the fetal position which he had assumed on the floor, looked stunned for a moment and resumed his mission to sell me a car. He straightened his tie, smiled and headed in my direction. Meanwhile, I adjusted the Aerosmith volume and tested the alarm system. “HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK…” Wow, that would really stop a thief. Larry broke into a sprint as other customers began to stare. Was I embarrassing this slime? Cool. I silenced the alarm, and cranked up Aerosmith’s “Love in an Elevator” in order to further embarrass him. I was naturally surprised to see Larry break into a